namida.
♥ Wednesday, November 26, 2008 @ 12:23 AM
he cried over food during honjani-20070328. so cute! :)
i'm someone who cries easily, very easily. i cried for movies, for series, for story books, for comics, for documentaries, etc. all these i cried for the character/person. bt i rarely cried for myself.
well, i can remember i cried wen i receive my chi O lvl results. i cried coz i get A2. i nv get A2 for chinese in my life before! i tink i did cried. did i? i cried wen i lost my sis's fren's cam pouch. i cried wen i'm afraid of losing someone. i cried wen i'm tinkin wat if someone impt to mi left mi. i cried for him for quite a number of times. i cried wen i felt v v v v v v wei qu. i cried wen i can nt vent my anger.
yes, i'm bad @ handling my anger. i absorb everything n torture myself to hell. this is bad. that's why i have my private time wen i dun reply, wen i dun feel lk i just dun do. i dun see the need of accomodating sometimes. unless pple will b happy if i do.
there r alot of stories i cried for. for eg, {Troy}. it's a v sad story! i really cried wen watchin dat show. {The eye} too bt dat's coz i was scared. {101 dalmations}, n many many more. i cried over bks such as {bridge to terithia} the pain in losing a friend, {marley and me} poor dog!, etc.
i tink my whole entry is totally meaningless. bt why do i start diz topic? coz i feel lk cryin (agn). my sis woke mi up 2day for nth tho it's nearly 12nn n my dad buy lunch le. why she nid to wake mi up? why?! i din wake her up wen my mama buy lunch le n she's still slpin. i let her slp. n i dun wake her up by sprinkles water on her face? i'm mad abt it. esp wen i thot i can slp n wake up naturally. it's been long since i do dat. aft exams, y cant i? i hate diz love-hate r/s. i hate her nt accomodating mi bt wan mi to accomodates her. anw i scolded her for waking mi up n turn n try to slp back bt failed. so in da evening, my da jie was telling mi dat i'm tired. den i was complainin dat my sis woke mi up. my sis, upon hearing it, became unhappy n say i wont care abt u anymore. -.- ya ya ya. juz stop doing dat. n u will run out of tings to do soon. i dun mind she wake mi up. bt i MIND she sprayin water on mi. my sisters love to do dat if i wake up aft dem. i dun see the FUN. it's okay u do it nt so often. bt bt, i dunno, i juz pissed off.
w many tings to consider alr, i dun care abt her feelings. it's tiring. really. to take everybody's feelings into account.
i'm losing tings at an alarming rate. really. wat's left w mi in da end? no idea.
anw. if i din control my tears i wld haf cry alr. it's weird. really. no pt to cry abt. bt i can feel my tears building up. o.0 i only can blink back my tears.
i nv wan to cry in front of pple. for reasons nt involvin shows. to me, it's my weak pt. my weakest pt. perhaps i dun wan others to see my weak side? my depressed side? or perhaps i juz find it v lose face to cry in front of others.
i ranting now. just dat i dont know. i'm free everyday to tink abt it aint i? bt i wan to find a job? i don't know. right now i don't feel lk doing anyting. bt i don't feel lk stayin @ hm coz my sis is @ hm. yes, it does matter. if my sis is goin sch regularly i wld have happily stayin @ hm. she juz pissed mi off dat easily as how i pissed her off.
i refused to tink abt anytin bt myself. i can b selfish too? tho i'm always so selfish. we always wan tings to go our way, wan the world to rotate around us n not da other way round.
i'm liking myself less. n i hate dat. tryin to love myself more. tryin to find reasons to love myself. i dont wan to reget. nt now, nt tmr, nt forever.
i'm fine i guess. i wake up feeling new agn. :) a brand new start for mi. till i rmb i have tings on my mind too. lalala~ i just dun wan to tink nowadays. pple help mi make decisions?
oh by the way, i tink crying is lk cleansing urself. fr all da angers, disappointments, unhappiness, etc. i alwaes tink it's fine to cry once a while for urself. instead of bottling up everything.
i talk more now i tink. really. :) i'm improving.
love,
ling. :)
